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French couples share their secrets to lasting love

Finding your one true love can be tricky, but in truth is only half the battle - it's making love last that's the difficult bit. In honour of Valentine's Day we asked a selection of our French friends for their tips on creating lasting love.

French couples share their secrets to lasting love
Are you looking for someone to grow old with? Photo by Lucas Cleutjens on Unsplash

And for a nation that have something of an international reputation for l'amour a lot of their advice was surprisingly practical.

Even in Paris – international capital of romance – grand gestures, hearts and flowers were out and communication, trust and honesty were in.

READ ALSO What French women are looking for in a lover – according to their tweets

Yes, very romantic – but will they make it last? Photo: AFP

So next time you see a couple serenading each other at the Eiffel Tower or presenting diamonds over dinner you'll know that they're probably tourists.

(And if they're locking heart-shaped padlocks on to city landmarks they're definitely tourists).

Here's what our French friends had to say about creating a love that lasts a lifetime.

Véronique, 37, said: “For me it is the small things, listening to me talk about my day, remembering things I have said, I don't think things like flowers or presents are important. I think in France we tend to celebrate Valentine's Day less than perhaps in America – maybe dinner out for a couple but no big presents.

“And for me that shows that we value what is truly important in a relationship – trust, honesty – rather than big gestures.

'Having honest conversations with your partner is the most important thing.”

READ ALSO The A-Z of getting a date in France

Honest conversation is more appreciated in France than soppy sweets. Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

François, 38, said: “I want a person I can have honest conversations with, that is how you make a relationship last. It's nice to buy presents for each other sometimes but that is not the most important thing.”

Lucile, 22, said: “There's no miraculous solution. Every couple is different and the important thing is to talk openly together and ensure that every decision is a compromise that both are happy with.

“[French author] Saint-Exupéry wrote that love isn't about looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction. It's a cliché and of course you need to look at each other sometimes too, but the basic idea is solid, I think.”
She added:  “It also helps to have regular sex.”

Adding padlocks to one of Paris' bridges is not the secret to true love. Photo: AFP

Fiona, 27, has been with her boyfriend, Antoine, for eight years.

She said: “The most important thing for me when it comes to love is trust. It’s even more important than love itself. Trust is what makes you able to show each other your true, unpolished selves.

“When you trust someone with your heart you risk getting it broken, but it’s proof that you believe the person to be capable of taking care of it. That’s what makes you able to keep together and not give up as soon as things get difficult.”

Julie, 25, said: “The secret is that your lover is also your best friend. It's not necessary for all kinds of love, just for the one that lasts. It needs to be the person you want to tell about your day.”

But Julie's boyfriend Louis, 24, had more elaborate ideas.

He said:  “I think the best way to make love last is to think about the other person. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t think about yourself, but it’s a way of enjoying every moment with the other to the fullest.

“I always try to ask myself, ‘how can I make her happy? How can I make her day even better?’ I try to make her laugh.

“I don’t know if I always manage, but I try. It doesn’t matter if she knows that I’m doing it or not. I just want her to feel loved, appreciated and important.”

Marie, 30, added: “It's all about trust. If you don't have trust then you don't have a relationship at all.”

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IN PICTURES: 7 of the French government’s sexiest public health adverts

An advertising campaign aimed at convincing young people to get the Covid vaccine has attracted international attention, but it’s not the first time that French authorities have sexed up their public health messaging.

IN PICTURES: 7 of the French government's sexiest public health adverts
Image: AIDES.

It’s an international cliché that France is the land of l’amour – or at least the land of le sexe – and that reputation does seem to be justified, given how often French public health bodies have turned to sex in an attempt to get their message across.

From the suggestive to the downright scandalous, here are seven examples of health campaigns which relied on that oh so French fondness for romance.

Get vaccinated, get laid

The Covid campaign in question was created by regional health authorities in the southern Provence-Alpes-Côtes d’Azur region.

The poster which has got people hot under the collar features two very attractive and very French-looking people kissing, seemingly in the back of a cab after a night on the town. “Yes, the vaccine can have desirable effects,” it says.

The campaign has proved so popular that it will soon be expanded.

Promoting road safety

Earlier this year, the French Road Safety Delegation released a video ahead of Valentine’s Day, which showed a couple sharing an intimate moment in the bedroom.

The full 30-second video featured the slogan, “Life is better than one last drink for the road”.

Another image of two people kissing, seemingly without clothes, included the line, “Life, love. On the road, don’t forget what truly matters.”

Fight against HIV/AIDS

While the link between road safety and sex isn’t immediately obvious, less surprising are the references to intimacy in the health ministry’s HIV awareness campaign from 2016.

Each of the different posters shows two men embracing. Straplines include, “With a lover, with a friend, with a stranger. Situations vary, and so do the protective measures.”

The posters shocked conservative sensibilities, and several right-wing mayors asked for them to be taken down in their towns. 

HIV awareness campaign

Just a few days after the controversy over the ministry’s posters ignited, the non-profit AIDES launched its own campaign, and it didn’t hold back.

The posters showed scuba instructors, piano teachers and parachutists, all of them naked alongside their students. The slogan: “People undergoing treatment for HIV have a lot of things to pass onto us. But the AIDS virus isn’t one.”

“Even if we’ve been spreading this information since 2008, we realise that a lot of people don’t know that antiviral treatments prevent spreading,” head of AIDES Aurélien Beaucamp told France Info.

“People are still afraid of those who are HIV-positive.” 

Government-mandated pornography

It’s common for sexualised advertising campaigns to be labelled pornographic by critics, but in 1998, the French government went a step further and created actual pornography.

READ ALSO Language of love – 15 of the best romantic French phrases

The health ministry commissioned TV station Canal Plus to create five short erotic films to encourage the use of condoms and prevent the spread of HIV. The campaign featured up-and-coming directors such as Cedric Klapisch and Gaspar Noé.

“The only possible way to look at, to get people to protect themselves, is to show, show everything, show simply and without creating an obsession of the sexual act and the act of wearing a condom,” Klapisch said, according to an Associated Press story published at the time. 

You didn’t really think we’d include images of this one, did you? (OK, here’s a link for those who are curious).

A controversial anti-smoking campaign

It’s time to forget what we said about romance, because there is nothing romantic about this 2010 campaign from the Droits des Non-Fumeurs (Non-smokers’ rights) association and the BDDP & Fils communications agency.

The campaign featured several images of young people with a cigarette in their mouths, looking up at an adult man who rested his hand on their heads. The cigarette appeared to be coming out of the man’s trousers.

The slogan said, “Smoking means being a slave to tobacco”. The association said the sexual imagery was meant to get the attention of young people who were desensitised to traditional anti-smoking messages, but the posters caused outrage, with members of the government publicly criticising the choice of imagery.

Celebrating LGBTQ+ love

On the other end of the spectrum is this very romantic video from the national health agency Santé Publique France. It was released on May 17th 2021, the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, and was part of a campaign against anti-LGBT discrimination and violence. It is set to Jean-Claude Pascal’s Nous les amoureux

Showing a diverse range of couples kissing, holding hands, and healing each other’s wounds, the video ends on the word play: “In the face of intolerance, it’s up to us to make the difference.”