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The annoying things everyone has to put up with in a Paris apartment

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The annoying things everyone has to put up with in a Paris apartment
Photo: AFP
17:33 CEST+02:00
There are some things that everyone who lives in a Paris flat will experience at some time or another... like having to squeeze into a lift that's only big enough for a baby hobbit.
As everyone who lives in one knows, there are many, many great things about living in an apartment in Paris.
 
You'll have great bars nearby and restaurants and stunning architecture...and most importantly - there is always a world-class boulangerie within rolling distance from your bed.
 
But unfortunately apartments in Paris come with their little but infuriating downsides.
 
1. 'The City of Leaks'
 
Everyone knows that Paris apartments are synonymous with leaks and to be honest they're often so frequent you'll need to have your plumber on speed dial. 
 
Leaks can go two ways... Either your flat is leaked on from above or your flat leaks on your neighbour's below. Both are bad, lead to a lot of paperwork and often fraught relations with neighbours.
 
And the unique thing about leaks in Paris flats is that they always occur when you are out or on holiday.
 
Paris apartments might be pretty but they're also tightly packed in. Photo: Justin LaBerge/Flickr 
 
2. Polite notices about parties...followed by really crazy parties
 
French people are so polite, is what you'll think to yourself the first time you see a notice in the lobby, letting you know that your neighbours are planning a party this weekend and that you are invited. 
 
But fast forward to Saturday and you'll quickly realise how naive you were, as music pounds through the walls and loud shouts of, "Ouuuiiiiiiiii!" can be heard through the walls until the early hours of the morning.
 
 
Photo: Eli Duke/ Flickr
 
3. The lifts (or lack thereof)
 
This is one that people notice as soon as they start visiting potential apartments. At first you might have thought it was an anomaly but soon you realise it's the norm...most lifts in Paris apartment blocks (at least the older ones) are are really (really!) tiny or non-existent. 
 
This means you have to take your shopping up one bag at a time and it of course it makes moving a nightmare.
 
Photo: Steve Foster/Flickr
 
4. Sweltering heat during summer
 
While you might have always dreamed of having a sauna inside your apartment, it's unlikely you ever wanted it to become one.
 
In Paris, it's unlikely you'll have the choice. 
 
Either you have to accept that sleep will remain but a distant dream (pun intended) during the months of July and August (and sometimes even June), flee the city along with the French or take to one of the Paris parks open 24-hours a day during the summertime
 
5. Packages going missing
 
Maybe it's the French postal service or it could be the fact that there are so many people living in a typical Paris apartment building, many of whom aren't listed on the post boxes. 
 
Either way, your packages will go missing. 
 
The next few points all fall under the heading of NOISE...
 
6. Kids running in the upstairs apartment
 
At first you might think it's thunder, or that Paris is experiencing an earthquake. But you'll quickly realise it's just the kids upstairs running around which translates into the sound of a professional rugby team doing drills in yours. 
 
6b. Couples making love in flat next door - Walls in Paris apartments are not too thick, beds are often very creaky and French couples can be noisy love makers. We just have to learn to live with it.
 
6c. The non-stop washing machine downstairs
 
There's often no escape so the best thing to do is stick your own washing on.
 
6d. The people who fill the bottle bins at night or early in the morning... should be banned from buying bottles for six months.
 
7. The Renovations
 
Drilling at 8am.... even on weekends! Get your revenge and have a party one night.
 
It might be time for earplugs if you want a good night's sleep in Paris. Photo: Christopher Holden/Flickr
 
8. Domestics
 
Something we've definitely experienced here at The Local. 
 
While Parisians can be noisy love makers they can also fall out of love very noisily too. And they do it fairly often. You'll think someone is about to be throttled and be on the verge of calling the police. But next time you see them they'll be embracing in the stairwell.
 
At least you can use their arguments as French listening practice. 
 
Photo: Pexels/Wikicommons 
 
9. Random buzzing
 
Why does your buzzer ring even when you're not expecting anyone?
 
The phantom buzzes are often just someone who has forgot their keys and is hoping to get buzzed in, a home deliverer or a burglar.
 
10. Neighbours so close they can see into your kitchen drawers
 
You can never be naked in a Paris flat with the windows open.
 
It's known as vis-à-vis in French but refers to the fact that often the layout of flats and the windows mean neighbours in a separate building or those who live across the courtyard can see everything that goes on in your flat.
 
This means you either keep the curtains or shutters closed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year or you let your neighbours into your lives.
 

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