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The six unwritten rules that explain life in France

The Local France
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The six unwritten rules that explain life in France
A sign at an RER station in Paris shows an information board reading "The station is closed due to a social movement" during a public transport strike. (Photo by Philippe LOPEZ / AFP)

Feeling confused about social etiquette and expectations in France? These unwritten 'rules' might help you make a little more sense of things.

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It takes time for any foreigner to adjust to life in a new country. There are always unwritten rules for how social and professional situations should work, and some are easier to learn than others.

However, once you learn and master the unwritten rules to life in France, you might notice life moving more smoothly.

To help you integrate into France, here are six of the most important social customs.

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Always remember that greetings are crucial

For foreigners - especially those of the anglophone variety - greetings are an unwritten rule to life in France that take some time to get used to. When walking into a grocery store or clothing shop in the United States or United Kingdom, one is not expected to say hello. The same goes for sharing an elevator - the ride would likely remain silent when heading upstairs with a stranger.

It might even feel bizarre to greet someone you do not know in such a situation, and it can be particularly tricky for those who are naturally more introverted. 

In France, though, it is assumed that a person should say "Bonjour" (or 'bonsoir' - depending on the time of day) when entering a space, and to say bonne journée (have a nice day) when departing. 

READ MORE: Explained: When should you greet a French person

When arriving at a party, the rule is the same - even if everyone is already in the midst of conversations. It might be perceived as rude if you do not announce yourself by saying salut when arriving. The next step is often going up to people and giving bisous (cheek kisses). This is seen as the opportunity to introduce yourself if you are not yet acquainted, so people will often say their name in between cheek kisses. 

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For many anglophones, the typical greeting might be a hug. In France, hugs are seen as more intimate than the bise, so keep that in mind when greeting people. 

Keep in mind that communication styles are different

For English-speakers, this can be a bit of a challenge when first arriving in France.

French people tend to be more comfortable correcting foreigners' mistakes when speaking the language. English-speakers, on the other hand, might see this as offensive. For many anglophones, it is difficult to imagine correcting someone's accent in spoken English or reminding them of how to conjugate a verb, but in France it's taken as a friendly or helpful gesture. 

In the Anglophone world this type of behaviour would be reserved for close friends or situations where the non-native English speaker has expressly asked to be corrected, but in France you could be corrected by a shop-owner you've never met before.

Correcting a non-native speaker's language shows that in terms of communication, sometimes the French can be more blunt. Sugar-coating is less common, and if you ask someone's opinion on a topic (even something personal, like a haircut for example) then you can expect their honest response (even if it might hurt your feelings). 

READ MORE: OPINION: Who are really the rudest – the French, tourists or Parisians?

Forward or blunt-speaking extends into other scenarios too. In the UK, you might run into someone on the street and suggest "grabbing a coffee" sometime soon as a pleasantry. While you might genuinely like to have coffee with this person, more often than not, suggestions like that are forgotten. For the French, suggesting to get coffee or dinner is a true invitation that should be respected, and empty offers like this do not really make sense to French people. 

The same goes for "friends." In anglophone countries, particularly in the US, you might describe anyone you have a passing acquaintanceship with as a friend. In France, however, a friend (or ami) is someone you have a very close relationship with, so everyone is not your ami. If you want to refer to someone as more of an acquaintance, you might use the word pote or collègue (for someone you work with). 

Blunt communication does have its benefits though - in a work setting, if you receive positive commentary, you can be sure that it is genuine and from-the-heart. 

Plan for things to move more slowly than you might have expected

This unwritten rule goes for many aspects of French life, whether that be waiting to be seated and served at a restaurant or trying to make an appointment with a French administrative body.

Patience is a virtue in France, and sometimes processes are not as efficient as anglophones might be used to in their home countries. If you are getting work done on your French home, for example.

The Local spoke with readers who had home renovations done, and one of the most common responses was that projects people expected to take only six months wound up taking years to complete.

READ MORE: Tips for renovating French property: ‘Double your budget and make friends with the mayor’

This same advice goes for almost all administrative processes in France. Cancelling a phone plan, for instance, typically involves sending a physical letter in the post and waiting to receive confirmation. Creating a French bank account will likely involve more than two separate in-person meetings, and updating your residency status will always be a long procedure.

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Always have your dossier fully prepared and don't throw away documents

France is slowly becoming a more tech-friendly society, but many things are still done via the post or with printed out forms and papers. 

When doing any administrative process, there will likely be a dossier required. This is the file of papers or documents needed for the procedure. If you leave out one of the forms requested, then you will likely find yourself having to make another appointment and elongate the process even further. For apartment searching in big cities, an incomplete dossier can be the difference in getting a visit and not hearing back from any landlords.

Additionally, the physical copies of forms are important, as sometimes they might not be made available online. Always make scans of papers that have some value, and invest in a file folder to organise your French documents. This will save you time in the long-run the next time you need to make a dossier

READ MORE: From dossier to Notaire: French bureaucracy explained

Get used to strikes

One of the most important implicit rules about life in France is getting used to strikes. Industrial action is less common in the United Kingdom than in France, and certainly much less frequent in the United States. 

Interestingly enough, while the French are known internationally for striking, it really depends which data you are looking at to determine which country comes out at the top for strikes. For example, a study from the European Trade Union Institute placed Cyprus ahead of France and another OECD study suggested that Danes and Costa Ricans went on strike more.

But nevertheless - strikes are a part of life in France, and they are something foreigners must adjust to, particularly because strikes in France often impact day-to-day life. Your train might be delayed, your flight might get cancelled, the opening hours for the place you want to visit might be adjusted.

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While it can be frustrating to have to walk to work when your train or bus is cancelled, it helps to look on the bright side. Workers in France enjoy strong employment protections, and residents across the country benefit from a strong social support system and many state services.

READ MORE: How to stop worrying and learn to love French strikes

Learn the (other) unwritten rules about food, meals and eating in France

Finally, food etiquette and manners are important in France...because food is important in France. The value assigned to these unwritten rules will depend on which French people you are eating with and the part of the country you are visiting, but overall, there are some implicit expectations around meal-times that take time for foreigners to learn.

Dinner, for example, usually consists of specific courses: the starter, the main meal, the cheese (or dairy product), the dessert and the after-meal coffee or digestif. Usually, you will drink wine with dinner, but the type of wine will depend on the dish. 

READ MORE: How to order the perfect steak in France

Wine also has its own set of rules (like not drinking red wine outside of a meal) which you can find HERE.

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Eating and drinking in France has its own set of unwritten rules that would take longer than six key points to explain, but the rule of thumb is to be open and willing to try foods you might not be familiar with and to generally be a gracious guest. Don't worry too much - it is always okay to ask questions and excuse yourself if you do not know how something works. 

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