VIDEO: Is life on a French café terrace really this bad?

France-based British comedian Paul Taylor takes a look at how drinking on a French café terrace isn't as good as we think might think it is.

VIDEO: Is life on a French café terrace really this bad?
Photo: Canal Plus
Paul Taylor's newest episode of “What the Fuck France”, a mini series shown on French TV channel Canal Plus, tackles his clear dislike of sitting on a French café terrace.
“It's like drinking in hell,” Taylor says. 
He lists three main points as to why he can't stand life on terrace (or in his own words “three reasons why it's shit”), including the inattentive waiters, the lack of space, and the clouds of cigarette smoke. 
“Before (smoking got banned inside), you could sit outside to get some fresh air, now you have to go back inside,” he says.
“F**king nice one, France,” he says in one of many expletive filled outbursts that appear to have been injected for a French audience who are perhaps not so sensitive to a repeated use of the f-word, but which may put off some Anglo viewers.
He takes regular aim at what he calls the “dickhead” waiters, the risks of getting beer spilled on you,  the challenges of eating food with no elbow room, the chances of being defecated on by a bird and pickpockets. Most of which we can probably relate to.
See the full clip below (but be warned for explicit language throughout).
But hold on, surely life on les terraces can't be all that bad? In fact it's one of the major draws of French cities isn't it?
OK they can be overcrowded and diners are packed together like Antarctic penguins trying to survive winter and there's the smoke-filled “indoor terraces”, which should be torn down.
But despite these few drawbacks, we'd argue that sitting on a terrace is one of the best ways to spend €10 in Paris. 
It's (probably) the best people-watching in the world, the waiters (never actually met a real d**khead one yet) will never rush you to leave, and it feels like you're living the Parisian life as it would have been decades ago. 
Yes, it might be a pricey affair if you choose the wrong part of town, but remember that you're paying for the experience as well as the pint.
And have you seen the inside of some of these bars? Best stay outside.
Nevertheless the video appears to have struck a chord with French viewers, over 90,000 of whom have watched the clip on You Tube.
'I love this kind of video. It makes laugh. It's good to take a step back,” said one French fan.
Although another viewer was not so happy abut the French bashing tone.
“French bashing, again… Someone who is really interested about Paris knows exactly where to go. If you stay in tourists areas, don't be surprised! It's easy to criticize and what you are doing is absolutely not original. Stop with this campaign of misinformation. French bashing, STOP! Thank you.”

Paul Taylor's new show, What the Fuck France, is on Canal+ on Saturdays at 12.20pm. His first episode tackled dubbing in France



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‘Fully booked for a month’ – France’s bars and cafés prepare to reopen after six months of closure

France's bars, restaurants and cafés will finally be allowed to reopen on Wednesday after six months of closure. But with reduced capacity and a bad weather forecast, it's not be the reopening many were hoping for.

'Fully booked for a month' - France's bars and cafés prepare to reopen after six months of closure
Terraces will be able to reopen at a 50 percent capacity with a maximum of six people per table maximum (everyone must be seated). Photo by BERTRAND GUAY / AFP

Wednesday, May 19th marks phase two of France’s reopening plan, which allows bars, restaurants and cafés to open up their outdoor areas only.

IN DETAIL France’s calendar for reopening 

All booked up

At Pipalottes, a restaurant in the 9th arrondissement, everyone is busy cleaning and getting the place ready for the big day. “We’re trying to make the most of the space on the terrace to be able to get everyone in, but we’re having to cancel some reservations,” said Maximilien, the owner whose terrace will accommodate 48 people. “We’re trying our best to keep everyone happy.”

On Wednesday, large terraces can reopen at a 50 percent capacity with a maximum of six people per table (everyone must be seated), and the curfew will be shifted from 7pm to 9pm. Indoor spaces will reopen on June 9th, when the curfew will be shifted to 10pm.

A ten minute walk away is Sausalito, a wine bar and restaurant that is also fully booked for Wednesday and Thursday night. “We’ve been booked up for the 19th for about a month,” said the owner, Antoine.

He is looking forward to reopening but like many business owners, he hopes this will be the final reopening. “I know that in the UK they are getting worried about the Indian variant, so we need to be careful and play by the rules. We’re crossing our fingers that we will be able to stay open all summer.”

“Parisians love having a drink on a terrasse. Six months without terraces is far too long. It’s just a pity that the weather isn’t great,” added Antoine.

Bad weather forecast

Others aren’t so optimistic, with storms and heavy rain forecast for much of the country.

“I think we’ll have our usual customers who will at least pop in for a drink,” says Alex, the owner of Source Infinie, a restaurant in the 10th arrondissement, which currently has 30 tables facing the street. “But we definitely won’t have the same amount of people we would have if we had good weather.” 

READ ALSO: Storms, rain and strong winds forecast for week France’s café terraces reopen

It’s bad news for François, the owner of Le Bistrot de Madeleine in the 9th arrondissement, who can expand capacity from 14 to 40 if the weather is good enough.

“It’s a real problem, because if it rains I can only seat people in this area,” he says gesturing at the space covered by a blue awning.

“We’ll open on the 19th, it’s important and we are looking forward to seeing our customers again. But we might have to close on some days if the weather is bad, and it’s not worth it for us if we can only serve 12 or 14 people,” he said.

“We are very dependent on the weather. But we are also very happy to be able to reopen, so we’ll have to take it one day at a time,” he said.

Social distancing and strict rules on capacity 

The capital’s bars and restaurants were allowed to stretch their outdoor terraces onto the pavement or the street last summer to allow more outdoor socialising, and these changes have been extended until at least June 2021 – after which they will have to be paid for.

Sausalito is one of the many businesses to have set up a terrance made from wooden pallets in what would usually be taken up by parked cars. “At some point we will have to pay for it, but we don’t know when yet.” said the owner, Antoine. 

Asia, the owner of Les Jolies Mômes in the 9th, has benefited from this measure, which means she can spread out her tables for 50 customers and maintain social distancing more easily. “We are lucky enough to be on a small pedestrian square, and the increased terrace space means we can follow the health restrictions.”

Large terraces will only be allowed to fill up half their space on Wednesday, but last week government officials announced that establishments with small terraces will not be subject to this rule – as long as social distancing measures are followed.

“We will make sure to keep around 1m between tables, but we haven’t been given any precise indications,” said François.

READ ALSO: Paris to keep its expanded outdoor café terraces until summer 2021

Serving food outside

The risk of bad weather, reduced number of tables and the curfew at 9pm makes it very difficult for some restaurants to serve food.

Source Infinie has decided to wait until June 9th, when aside customers being able to sit indoors, the curfew will be shifted to 10pm. “We are a restaurant, but since we are not able to welcome customers inside, and only have 50 percent of the space on our terraces, we’ve decided we’ll only be serving drinks for the time being,” says Alex, the restaurant’s director. 

“It’s far too expensive for the number of customers are allowed to seat, especially with the weather we have at the moment,” he said. “We’ll try to do our best, but I think we’ll have to be patient and unfortunately, even if people are looking forward to eating out again, we won’t be going back to normal straight away.”